The First Step, Start From Where You Are...

This is a journal of my exploration of The Baha'i faith. I’m still investigating. I've always been spiritual and even perhaps sort of New Agey. Until recently, I enjoyed my own spiritual practice drawing from many religions, but was never interested in declaring myself a member of any one faith.

Several months ago, I found myself yearning for more than a solo spiritual practice or an open religion. I also felt lonely for some sort of spiritual community. In many of the gatherings I've attended, we've all been openminded and while a Buddhist might share of her faith or a Christian might share of his, we've all accepted that that God/Goddesses/The Universe can be worshiped and interpreted in many ways. I've liked the openness and the respect, but inside of me something has emerged that wants more. I want community and a path of study.

I recently discovered the Baha'i Faith and am intrigued enough to want to learn more. I've explored other faiths, but have never considered joining one. Something about the Baha'i faith feels right, but I'm cautious, having never been a member of any religion. This is as close to home as I have ever felt, but I want to know more.

There are many things about the faith that are comforting to me, yet there are contradictions too. I want to take my time and make a decision based on the true belief that I can be a Baha’i full heartedly as opposed to one who ignores the rules that don’t appeal to me. I don’t have to understand the whole faith, but I have to understand more than I do now.

It’s odd, this is less about my faith in God (though I usually say Universe instead of God) than it is about my faith in myself. I’ve somehow picked up the idea that smart people don’t fall for organized religion. Of course, I know this isn’t true (right?), but I feel the need to learn for myself. To immerse myself in this is less about finding God and more about finding my path to God. I’ve been on it, yet I don’t stay on it…or rather, sometimes it’s illuminated and sometimes it isn’t.

In the end, I may have learned a lot from my study and it will simply add new understanding to the other experiences that I believe make me a spiritual person (whether I belong to a faith or not). Or I could decide to declare myself as a Baha’i.

We shall see.